I started writing this post in October, 2019. My daughter was 13 months old at the time. It is now July 2020. She is 22 months. A lot has happened in the last 10 months. You know.
Now that my daughter is practically a toddler, I am clearly an expert on all things babies and parenting, and am thoroughly qualified to tell other parents what to do.
Yeah, no, not at all. (And unless you’re a pediatrician or a child psychologist, neither are you). But I’ve been freelancing-with-baby since she was four months old, and I’ve found some tactics that work* for me, so I thought I’d share them. Of course, it’s all a crap shoot**, like many aspects of parenting. It’s one tiny advantage I feel I’ve had during quarantine life — I’m actually accustomed to simultaneous working and parenting. Or, as accustomed as one can be with a creature whose mobility, mood, tolerance levels, and communication abilities evolve one day to the next.
* “work” = roughly 79 percent of the way, 61 percent of the time
** diaper pun intended
Determine Priorities — I’ve made a decision to not employ outside childcare — which would take up most of my income — at this point, wanting to maximize time with my daughter. This means I spend less time on work than I would if I used a nanny or daycare. It’s essential to me that my clients can trust me and my work, so I am judicious about choosing which projects I pursue and accept. I spend limited time on marketing and business growth efforts. While I enjoy learning from resources like Jennifer Goforth Gregory’s Freelance Content Marketing Writer Facebook group, to name one, much of what I learn is either bookmarked for later or applied in small quantities, such as sending fewer letters of introduction. I acknowledge the privilege of being able to do this without creating an insurmountable financial hardship, and of having my husband’s full emotional support.
Create a Routine But Allow for Flexibility — We have a schedule — mealtimes, naptimes, bottles — and as long as things get done within about 30 minutes of the intended time, I don’t sweat it. Sure, lunch is supposed to be at noon, but if I get caught up with work and we don’t eat until 12:30, that’s okay. The baby is supposed to nap from 1 to 3 every day, but sometimes she just won’t sleep unless I’m holding her, or she’s in her stroller. Which leads to ….
Find One-Handed Resources — All this means is find ways to be productive away from the computer. I’ve embraced work-related podcasts, like Melanie Padgett Powers’ Deliberate Freelancer and Ed Gandia’s High Income Business Writing. I listen while pushing a stroller around the neighborhood, while breastfeeding, while cooking (is it just me or is pandemic life an endless cycle of cooking and dishes?). I use the voice-to-text function to reply to emails (just make sure you look and correct mistakes before sending!), update my schedule, or make brainstorming notes. My daughter can be a bit of a Velcro baby sometimes, and I’ve conducted plenty of calls with her on my lap, on my hip, wrapped around my leg, or asleep across my chest. Indeed, lying on the sofa with a baby on top of me is a lovely time to catch up on my Twitter feed. As a parent and a freelance business owner, multitasking is a frequent necessity.
Have Dedicated Baby Time — I have times throughout the day that are just for me and her, no work. I put my phone down, crank up the Raffi (don’t come at me with your Baby Shark) or the Tchaikovsky (she’s a bit obsessed with ballet and insists on parading around in a tutu most days), and build block stacks or play with her favorite puzzle. Or we dance to Dolly, or sit in the rocking chair and read. Sandra Boynton is a big hit in my house. She needs to know that there are swaths of time throughout the day when it’s just her and me.
Set Boundaries — With my clients, with myself, with my child. I don’t take calls right before nap time, because that’s her time. At one point, I established a “no devices at the table” rule, though I admit my husband and I have both been failing pretty miserably at. We really must recommit to that goal. For my daughter, I have both a physical boundary — a North States play yard — though she’s admittedly become less tolerant of that as she’s gotten older, and intangible boundaries. She hears a lot of “wait.” Sure, there have been plenty of screaming meltdowns while I try to finish an email — but I firmly believe that learning to have some patience, understanding that sometimes I have something else to finish before responding to her (non-emergency) needs, and being able to contend with boredom are important skills for her to develop. I found the book “Bringing Up Bébé” to be encouraging and practical on this matter.
Share the Load — How much have we read about mothers’ emotional labor, and how much moms’ careers have been disrupted by the pandemic? I am definitely feeling that. Since my husband is now working from home as well, one small thing he does to support me in my work is that he occasionally (i.e. whenever I ask) will lunch alone with our daughter on Thursdays so I can take part in my favorite Twitter chat, #FreelanceChat. Some weeks, however, I catch up later that afternoon, or the next day.
Get Creative — It’s hard, I won’t lie. I’ve had some success with a timer — letting her hear the dinging sound, and telling her she has to play on her own until she hears the sound again — and with what one might call passive interaction, e.g. conducting work while telling her to bring me three blue items. Some days, I manage to convince her that putting away laundry is a game.
Lower Your Standards — Hopefully, if we’ve learned anything from this COVID shitstorm, which is the technical term for the circumstances we’re living in, it’s that we’re all just getting by. You need to be able to give yourself a break from your own judgment. For me, as a parent, that’s meant loosening the reins a bit on screen time, e.g. with nature documentaries or the oft-demanded ballet videos. Also, and I cannot stress this enough, your kid does not have to like you all the time. Mine isn’t a huge fan of me when I tell her she can’t play with a new puzzle until she puts her crayons away. As a freelancer, it means sending out fewer queries or follow-ups each day so I don’t burn out. It’s hard to feel like I’m not “giving it my all,” but we have no idea how long we’re in this for, so pace yourself.
All right, if you’ve reached this point, God love you. Hang in there, and tweet at me if you want to vent about freelance parent life, @redpentweeting. I gotta go feed my kid again.