Why 2021 Was My Secret Year of F.U. (and I don't mean follow-up)

Shonda Rhimes had her Year of Yes. A.J. Jacobs had his Year of Living Biblically. At the end of 2020, and feeling rather... 2020ed, I decided that 2021 was going to be my Secret Year of F You (euphemism for the delicate among us).

I sense some pearl-clutching. Stay with me.

The keyword is secret. I never actually SAID the phrase to anyone. It was silent self-fortification, a tough-love reminder to unapologetically stand my ground even when someone else won’t like it. Even when that someone is me.

See, I'm a worrier. And I have a high level of imposter syndrome. So when I imagine, for example, speaking to a prospective client about my rates,  this is the conversation that happens in my head.

Imaginary Me: My rate for this project is $X.

Imaginary Client: $X?! How dare you?! That is offensive! Who do you think you are?!?! 

Imaginary Me BEFORE secret theme phrase: I'm sorry! You’re right! What do you want to pay me? Please still want to work with me!

Playing this conversation in my head, I tended to lowball my rates for fear I would "offend" a prospective client.

But...

Imaginary ME AFTER secret theme phrase:  You’re offended by my rate? F you. You can’t afford me, say so, but I have every right to charge what I charge. I’m worth it.

My resolve steeled, I would set my rates more appropriately. Then, here's how the actual conversation usually went.

Me: My rate is $X.
Client: That's above our budget.
Me: I'm happy to discuss adjusting the scope to fit with your budget. What are you thinking? Let's see if I can work with that.

Indeed, prospective clients rarely expressed irritation or offense at my rates (and certainly not to the extreme degree I’d pictured!). Imagining that was the good old imposter syndrome at work. But even when they said, “that’s outside our budget” or “that’s higher than I was expecting,” I learned not to apologize or backpedal. I’m always happy to try to find a meeting of the minds,  but now that means we each give a little. Before, my mindset was more: “Oh no! Bend over backwards to get this client! Offer my basement floor minimum and be willing to go even lower!” 

But, you may ask,  why the choice word, even silently? Why not say "No, sir" or "shut up" or "Bless your heart" in my head? It's because sometimes you need that uncompromising slap-in-your-own-face harshness to remind you to not fold like a cheap lawn chair. You need to be able to reach your inner tough, take-no-prisoners badass bitch, and unleash her (or him/them) on … yourself. There's just no negotiating with – no euphemism – "fuck you." Then when it’s time to actually negotiate with another person, it’s in an "I move, you move" kind of way, not in an "I’m sorry, I'll give in" way.

Or, let's imagine a conversation between what we'll call my Inner Worrier and my Inner Warrior.

Worrier: Oh no, will Prospective Client be offended by my quarterly/semi-annual follow-ups? Will they think I'm too pushy?

Warrior: If you're put off by a check-in email 2-4 times a year, f___ you. If you want me to stop, say so, don't just hope I'll go away, you weenie.

Inner Warrior doesn't suffer fools. Inner Worrier wastes a lot of my time.

But more often than not, the secret "eff you" was more self-directed.

Struggling to hold that yoga pose? Duck you, discomfort, I can overcome you. Drowning in panic and self-doubt? F you, anxiety, I am stronger than you (or at least I'm doing a lot of therapy and deep breathing). Losing my …. shiitake mushrooms at the child/spouse when they don’t really deserve it? Felix Unger, bad temper, I am learning patience and mindfulness.

 Now, did this exercise always have its desired effect? Of course not. I didn’t always have the fortitude to say no, or keep my calm, or hold my ground (or hold that warrior two pose),  but it reminded me – and I remind you: A, to not always sweat what other people think so much; B, to ask for what you want; and C, we are stronger than we think we are. And as a result, I made some meaningful strides in both my personal and my business life, including turning down prospective bad clients rather than working from a fear-based scarcity mindset, and increasing my year-over-year income by nearly 70 percent.  Anyway, I recommend this tactic.

I'm going to continue silently applying my no-longer-secret phrase moving forward,  but I think I've internalized the practice enough that I can choose a new central theme for 2022, maybe even a not-secret one. I'm working on what that might be. Stay tuned.







Well, $%^#, where’d the year go?

Well, clearly my plan to blog about my work every month went to pot. But as Fred and Ginger say: Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, start all over again.

I’m reevaluating whether this monthly tactic is best for 2022, or if another way will work better, but for now, here are some of the highlights that happened in the last quarter of 2021:

  • Worked on several stories for the College of Education at the University of Maryland, one of my longest-term clients. After our interview about a lecture he gave, Professor Cam Scribner told me: “you really nailed down all of the exact sort of complexities that I would have brought up if we were teaching in a graduate seminar.”

  • Wrote a story for Goucher College on alumni entrepreneurs in the food business. I used to write a lot of food stories in my newspaper days, then I wrote for the now-defunct food section of Paste Magazine, but I haven’t had a lot of opportunities to write content marketing or copy about food. It’s a topic near and dear to my heart, so I’d love to get back into it.

  • My friend Melanie Padgett Powers, who is the managing editor of Dateline Federation Magazine for the Hemophilia Federation of America, recruited me for a piece on hemophilia families and adoptions. It was a pleasure getting to speak to the families.

  • I wrote a piece for marketing recruitment agency Torchlight Hire on what to know about paying a freelance writer. Writers are notoriously undervalued, and I hope marketing directors will pay attention and heed my words. For example, promising “great exposure,” but no/meager pay just doesn’t work. You wouldn’t expect your plumber/dentist/hairdresser to work for “exposure,” would you?

  • Wrote two pieces for ASJA Magazine, and continued my work as editor of the Weekly newsletter. One member described it as: “Lots of meaty information told in a brief, breezy style.”

  • Continued working as blog editor and strategist with designer Christy Batta. I love helping a business, whether a solo business or a large corporation, tell its stories. And as much as I enjoy doing the actual writing myself, I love the process of guiding and supporting someone else through the process of just as much.

In 2022, my goals include doing more content strategy, diving back into the food niche, continuing to build a niche in ad tech, writing even more stories about interesting people doing fascinating things, and building great relationships with clients and fellow writers and editors. You can email me at hello@redpeneditorial.co, or find me on LinkedIn or Twitter.

Wishing you a happy, healthy New Year.

July, July!

As an aside, I’m pretty sure using random song titles (this one is from The Decemberists) as blog post titles isn’t the best SEO choice, but we’ll work on that.

In the U.S., July is most associated with July 4th, Independence Day. I continue to learn a lot about being an independent business owner, and this month brought some great lessons.

Here’s what went down:

  • Submitted a story to the University of Maryland College of Education on graduating in a pandemic. I interviewed several newly minted graduates who had completed not only their final classes and lectures virtually, but who had taken on remote student teaching, a different challenge than in a “normal” year, indeed.

  • Learned that my longtime contact/editor at UMD COE was leaving the university for another job. She’s been great to work with — easy, responsive to questions, respectful of my work… I will miss collaborating with her and wish her all the best. Upon learning this news, I made sure I opened the lines of communication with her colleagues so I don’t lose momentum with this client.

  • Interviewed parents and nonprofit leaders in Silver Spring, MD about the cost of childcare for a story on the American Communities Project website. I come from a newspaper background so I know the importance of deadlines, but I was struggling to connect with the right kinds of sources for this one. With nearly two weeks until my deadline, I emailed my editor, told her the situation, and respectfully asked for an extension, which was granted and she appreciated my being communicative. I’ve worked with writers who don’t ask until after the deadline has already passed. I’m definitely not advising anyone to make a habit of asking for extensions, but the more open your lines of communication with your editor, and the sooner you ask, the better. They have to be kept in the loop, even if the loop isn’t all sunshine and roses.

  • Continued my conversation with a prospective new client whom I met through a referral from another writer. It can get frustrating sometimes when a prospective client isn’t really sure of what they want/need… or doesn’t have the budget to pay for me to help them figure it out, and then execute the strategy.

  • Relatedly, another prospective client, a solo business owner I’d been trading emails with off and on for a while, requested a phone call. I told her that I offer free 30-minute exploratory calls and sent her some questions. As a freelance business owner, it’s important to set those boundaries and manage expectations. Especially when someone doesn’t know exactly what they need, it can be easy to get roped into giving a lot of free content strategy advice before you even talk money. I went into the call with three packages, at different price points, ready to offer. Ultimately, we did not end up working together, but setting those limits and taking charge of the conversation was a point of growth for me as a business owner.

  • Had an exploratory conversation with another prospective new client who was also introduced by another writer. No assignment but that’s often how these things work — you meet, you chat, you stay in touch via email or social media. It’s a lot of building relationships, not just transactions. And it’s a long game, which I readily admit can be frustrating. But as guest Anna Hetzel said in this episode of the Deliberate Freelancer podcast, hosted by my friend Melanie Padgett Powers, look to make friends, not contacts, in the industry. Basically, think of building a quality network, not just a bigger network.

  • Finalized a contract for an alumni profile story with a repeat university client. I love writing for universities — there’s a lot that reminds me of being a features reporter in a small, active city. I love writing profiles. But it can forever to get things moving. I think the editor first contacted me in February about another story, then circled back in April with an additional idea, then finally came back again in July about contracting just for the second story. I often have to do most of my checking in and following up with university clients.

  • Finalized another job copy editing an annual report for one of the companies Client Z works with.

  • Supported Christy Batta Designs in this month’s blog post, A Day in the Life of My Design Business.

  • Continued to support ASJA, the American Society of Authors & Journalists, as editor of the weekly newsletter. I think I’ve mentioned before, this something I do as a volunteer. At a later date, I’ll delve into the value of volunteering within ones industry and the very vast difference between volunteering/pro bono and working for free.

I’m contemplating starting a newsletter in 2022, compiling monthly work summaries, resources, tales of the life of a freelance writing and editing toddler mama, and other random stuff. Any thoughts?

June is Bustin' Out All Over

God bless any opportunity for a good classic musical reference.

June started out rough. I did that thing where you take on ALL THE WORK, thanks to the feast or famine mentality that many of us independent business owners are trying to shed, and found myself very much — cue up your best Paul Hollywood — overworked. Fortunately, all’s well that end’s well. Here’s what happened in the month of the pearl and the rose.

Then Came the Last Days of May

May was a busy month. I began work with two clients I’d been courting for a long time. Running a freelance business takes a lot of patience, which is not necessarily a natural gift for me. Obviously, I’m still catching up on these blog posts. The goal is to be up to date by mid-September, then continue monthly from there. Any feedback on what is or is not helpful to let you get to know me better as a business owner, freelancer, writer/editor, and person is appreciated. Without further ado, here’s how May shaped up:

  • Helped graphic designer Christy Batta of Christy Batta Designs go behind the scenes of her work creating a logo for Discover Bonifant, a coalition of small businesses in Silver Spring, Maryland. I love my collaboration with Christy. My role is to help guide her through creating her monthly blogs — asking questions, giving feedback, making suggestions — from the incarnation to the publication. It’s a combination of coach and editor, almost like a blogging doula.

  • Continued working to edit DE&I and sustainability reports for a major media corporation through my aforementioned (see April entry) NDA client, henceforth referred to as Client Z. And at another juncture, we’ll talk about NDAs. Throughout the process, a lot of questions about conscious language arose, such as whether the term BIPOC or person of color is preferable. I offered to create a conscious language guide for the company to have as a resource for clients who might not have set standards on certain usages.

  • Began working on a feature story for CASE, Council for Advancement and Support of Education. I did some copy editing and fact-checking for CASE a few years ago and have since kept in touch, through a few rounds of editors, but this was my first time writing for them. Freelancing can be a long game, which is hard when you like instant gratification (who doesn’t?!)

  • Edited weekly newsletters for ASJA, the American Society of Journalists and Authors. This is a volunteer position, and the ONLY work I do for no pay. I consider it a contribution to my community and an investment of time into networking.

  • Wrote a pillar page on leveraging audio advertising for Viant by Adelphic, an omni demand-side platform. I started working with Viant in late 2020. The content manager is a friend and was a classmate at Medill. It’s my first foray into ad tech writing and though I admit I’m a little intimidated, I hope to continue to develop this niche.

  • Began work with a new client, American Communities Project, on a story about the challenges faced by parents in the urban suburb of Silver Spring, MD (where I happen to live) to find affordable childcare. I first connected with the editor of ACP, Ari Pinkus, in 2017 as she was departing the National Association of Independent Schools. Since then we’ve stayed in touch intermittently. We were glad to finally have an opportunity to work together. This is definitely an example of how so much of the key to growing your freelance business is building relationships.

  • On the note of relationships, through ASJA I randomly reconnected with a former colleague I’d worked with almost 20 years ago. I love these small world moments.

  • Also through ASJA I participated in TeleConnections, which provides members with the opportunity to sign up for fast (9-minute!) introductory phone calls with the leaders of numerous publications, content marketing agencies, and publishing houses. I felt like my calls all went well, but my biggest challenge is probably going to be coming up with pitches. I often find pitch culture to be discouraging.

  • Wrote and submitted a story to the University of Pennsylvania on alumnus Chris Bennett, founder of Wonderschool — a platform and software to support early education programs and microschools.

I’m still catching up and getting the hang of these monthly summary posts, figuring out the best use to make of this blog. Get in touch with me at hello@redpeneditorial.co.

April Showers Bring New Beginnings

Well, in a move that will surprise no one, I failed upfront to post a monthly review of my work activities. So now it’s late August and I’m catching up on my spring blog posts. But as Fred and Ginger tell us, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again. So, under the heading of better late than never, here’s what April looked like:

  • Participated in the annual (virtual) conference for ASJA, the American Society of Journalists and Authors. I joined ASJA in 2019 and serve as the (volunteer) editor of the weekly newsletter, aptly titled AJSA Weekly. I feel like I made some good connections, but the challenge, as always, is to be diligent about maintaining them. We’ll talk in more detail about that another time.

  • Also for ASJA, I was a judge for the Annual Writing Awards. I also submitted two of my stories for entry. I don’t envy the organizers. There were hundreds of submissions in something like 40 categories. I personally read about 25 stories, which went through 2-3 rounds of discussions with two teams. Honestly, I won’t be taking part again — it was just too time-consuming.

  • Worked with one of my regular editing clients, graphic Christy Batta of Christy Batta Designs, on a post addressing five questions about mood boards and how they serve her process.

  • Pitched two stories to the Pennsylvania Gazette, the alumni magazine for the University of Pennsylvania. One pitch was successful and the story is scheduled to run in September 2021.

  • The editor at one of my repeat clients, Northern Virginia Magazine, left. Katie was an excellent editor — she communicated thoroughly but never micromanaged, was clear on what she wanted, gave me plenty of space, and made me feel like she respected my skills and experience. I hope to have the opportunity to collaborate with her again.

  • Started working with a new client, copy editing annual reports for large corporations. My first project was working on a Diversity, Equity & Inclusion report for a major media company. Because of complex NDA (non-disclosure agreements), that’s the most I can say about that. Part of the reason I decided to start these “month in review” posts was to be able to keep clients and colleagues abreast of the type of work I’m doing, even when I can’t talk about the work itself.

Well, that’s it for April. I’ll do my best to catch up and get into the swing of things for fall. The best-laid plans, as they say. Managing life as a freelance business owner is a balancing act, and when you add in being a parent, even more so. And then throw in a pandemic. So I try. And I keep trying.

What's Going On... and what will be

So, it’s been a while. Between client work, marketing, and parenting an increasingly active toddler, actually doing work on my own content seems to be the thing that falls by the wayside. I would really like to fix this.

Last week, I was listening to the 100th episode of my favorite freelancing podcast, Deliberate Freelancer, hosted by fellow writer and editor Melanie Padgett Powers (who also happens to be a neighbor and a real life friend). She was interviewing another freelance writing heroine, Jennifer Goforth Gregory, and they were talking about keeping portfolios updated. Melanie, who as a managing editor, often hires writers, made a good point that she wants to know what folks have been publishing recently. It makes perfect sense.

I, you may have noticed, organize my clips by topic. And since I have more than a thousand bylines to my name, and no one wants me to share all of those, I limit my clips to highlights. But after listening to the Deliberate Freelancer episode, I’ve decided to add a “Recent Clips” section to my work page. So that’s something new coming up here at Red Pen Editorial Services.

But here’s the tiny glitch (besides the fact that I’m not always good about diligently updating my portfolio). As the company name suggests, I provide additional services beyond writing, i.e. editing. Even when I am writing, not all of my work is bylined. And some of my clients don’t even allow me to state publicly that I’ve written for them, or edited their work. That’s a whole ball of wax we’ll dive into at a later date. Frankly, I think it’s a lot of piffle, but with clients and toddlers, you learn to pick your battles.

Which leads to Goal #2. Each month, I want to write a post to share what I’ve been up to, in a way that doesn’t violate any of my contract terms. For instance, this spring, a few of my projects included copy editing DE&I and sustainability reports for a major media company, writing a feature for an education association and a couple of profiles for alumni magazines (all of which I can link upon publication), writing a blog post on addressable TV advertising vs OTT advertising for an ad tech company (which earned a featured snippet on Google), publishing a piece for one of my regular clients, Northern Virginia Magazine, on preparing children for the return to school, and have continued to serve as the volunteer editor of the ASJA Weekly newsletter editor for the American Society of Journalists and Authors.

I also hope to share interesting articles I’ve read, learning experiences (such as attending the ASJA virtual conference), and maybe even some lessons and frustrations. I’m excited to keep you updated! In advance, thanks for riding along with me.

All the best,

Holly

Season's greetings to the Bankses.

HBO Max this week aired (is it still called airing if it’s streaming?) the Fresh Prince of Bel Air reunion.

So there I was, chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’ all cool (I can’t even type that with a straight face) on Twitter, and something on the promo posts caught my eye:

”The Banks are back together.”

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Y’all, the family is named Banks. Thus the plural is Bankses. It’s one of my (many) grammatical pet peeves.

But this is actually good timing because as we approach the holiday season, a refresher course on how to pluralize surnames seems to be needed every year. So let’s say you’re sending season’s greetings to the Fresh Prince’s Bel Air family. They’re pretty swanky folks. You want to get it right. This is the story all about how you can go wrong.

1) The Banks
As previously mentioned, the family name is Banks, with an s, not Bank. So simply keeping it the same doesn’t include the collective. It’s not like sheep or deer or moose.

2) The Banks’ (or The Banks’s)
Apostrophes do not make words (or names) plural. Apostrophes do not make words (or names) plural. Write this out 100 times like you’re Bart Simpson at the chalkboard. The only exception is for single letters, e.g. “She had three B’s and two C’s on her report card” or “mind your p’s and q’s.”

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3) The Bankss
No. Just no.

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So, what is correct? Let’s circle back to the top. It’s Bankses. The plural of a name that ends in s is -es. The Bankses. The Joneses. The same applies to names ending in x, z, sh or ch (unless it’s a k sound, e.g. The Bachs). All others end in s. The Simpsons. Never an apostrophe. Never, ever an apostrophe. Yes, even if it ends in a vowel.

And don’t even think of trying to “ie” a name that ends in y. Case in point:
I’m Holly.
The family of Buddy, late, great singer of “That’ll Be the Day” and “Rave On” are The Hollys.
The British rock group that sings “Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress” is The Hollies.

Here’s a helpful chart to follow: 

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And guys, if it’s all too complicated to remember, or if Bankses, Joneses, Simmonses, etc. feels kind of icky to you, there’s a simple, elegant solution:

The Banks Family.

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(You know Geoffrey would never let them send out cards with spelling errors.)







Do As I Say, Not As I Did: A First-Person Modern-Day Career-Centric Fable

A First-Person Modern-Day Career-Centric Fable

Once upon a time, I had a job I liked and where I actually excelled. But I wanted a change. So I started working toward something else.

Then I let myself get caught up in some ugly office politics (if you were there, you know what I'm talking about, and maybe you're still angry about it, too). I went from having a goal of moving toward something new to having a goal of leaving something behind.

It was a very long process. I started looking and applying probably a year before I left. I got impatient because I was really feeling all the negativity that was going on. I took a job knowing that I, 1) would not be as good at it as I'd been at the one I was leaving, 2) was not especially interested in the subject matter, 3) didn't have any long-term goals where I was going.

Ultimately, I let the negative feelings drive me out, rather than keeping my head down and focusing on my goals. I don't recommend this tactic unless it really can't be avoided.

Instead of being patient, I took the first job I was offered, knowing it wasn't a good match, but figured it was a step in the right direction.

Well, that job didn't work out, and my career (and my dignity) has suffered. For someone who carries a lot of her sense of personal identity and self-worth in her work, that's been a massive struggle that has affected all aspects of my life.

I don’t regret leaving the old job. I regret the timing. I regret my lack of patience and foresight. I left something where I felt confident in my abilities and knowledge for something where I didn't, and the result of doing that has affected my career trajectory (and all that implies). I still would have made a change, but I wish I'd had the patience to hold out for something where I felt not only more confident in my abilities, but also felt a stronger connection to the subject matter. So that's been another lesson: It's important to care about the work you do.

I want to be clear, I don't blame the previous circumstances or other people for feeling discontent now. Yes, certain things were handled poorly on many sides. But my point in bringing this up is to share what I've learned, which is that you need to look beyond just what happens in the immediate future. Applying for jobs can't just be about "what's next," it needs to be "What's after that? Where can this next step realistically take me?" Finding something where you can see a long-term future takes longer, so letting any move be motivated by negativity is something to avoid IF possible. I'm not telling people to suck up a toxic environment or stick it out if they're being harassed or mistreated.

That said, if you ever find yourself on the phone with your mother, describing your boss as a, um, 'c-word', which is something I did many years ago (pre-grad school; that job is no longer on my resume), that is a sign you should leave immediately.

The moral of the story: Even if you're not thrilled at a job, unless you're being seriously mistreated or are genuinely miserable, don't leave for the first thing you can get. Work hard to find something that actually feels like a good fit for you. Don't assume you'll be able to use something as a stepping stone. It'll take longer on the front-end, but in the long run, you'll serve yourself much better.

Think ahead — not just of your next immediate moves, but the ones that follow. This applies whether you are in-house or freelance.

Seriously, kids, don't make the same mistake. Or if you do, be sure to share it with the class so I don't feel like the biggest failure, because misery loves schadenfreude.


An Idiot's Guide to Freelancing With Baby

I started writing this post in October, 2019. My daughter was 13 months old at the time. It is now July 2020. She is 22 months. A lot has happened in the last 10 months. You know.

Now that my daughter is practically a toddler, I am clearly an expert on all things babies and parenting, and am thoroughly qualified to tell other parents what to do.

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Yeah, no, not at all. (And unless you’re a pediatrician or a child psychologist, neither are you). But I’ve been freelancing-with-baby since she was four months old, and I’ve found some tactics that work* for me, so I thought I’d share them. Of course, it’s all a crap shoot**, like many aspects of parenting. It’s one tiny advantage I feel I’ve had during quarantine life — I’m actually accustomed to simultaneous working and parenting. Or, as accustomed as one can be with a creature whose mobility, mood, tolerance levels, and communication abilities evolve one day to the next.

* “work” = roughly 79 percent of the way, 61 percent of the time
** diaper pun intended

Determine Priorities — I’ve made a decision to not employ outside childcare — which would take up most of my income — at this point, wanting to maximize time with my daughter. This means I spend less time on work than I would if I used a nanny or daycare. It’s essential to me that my clients can trust me and my work, so I am judicious about choosing which projects I pursue and accept. I spend limited time on marketing and business growth efforts. While I enjoy learning from resources like Jennifer Goforth Gregory’s Freelance Content Marketing Writer Facebook group, to name one, much of what I learn is either bookmarked for later or applied in small quantities, such as sending fewer letters of introduction. I acknowledge the privilege of being able to do this without creating an insurmountable financial hardship, and of having my husband’s full emotional support.

Create a Routine But Allow for Flexibility — We have a schedule — mealtimes, naptimes, bottles — and as long as things get done within about 30 minutes of the intended time, I don’t sweat it. Sure, lunch is supposed to be at noon, but if I get caught up with work and we don’t eat until 12:30, that’s okay. The baby is supposed to nap from 1 to 3 every day, but sometimes she just won’t sleep unless I’m holding her, or she’s in her stroller. Which leads to ….

Find One-Handed Resources — All this means is find ways to be productive away from the computer. I’ve embraced work-related podcasts, like Melanie Padgett Powers’ Deliberate Freelancer and Ed Gandia’s High Income Business Writing. I listen while pushing a stroller around the neighborhood, while breastfeeding, while cooking (is it just me or is pandemic life an endless cycle of cooking and dishes?). I use the voice-to-text function to reply to emails (just make sure you look and correct mistakes before sending!), update my schedule, or make brainstorming notes. My daughter can be a bit of a Velcro baby sometimes, and I’ve conducted plenty of calls with her on my lap, on my hip, wrapped around my leg, or asleep across my chest. Indeed, lying on the sofa with a baby on top of me is a lovely time to catch up on my Twitter feed. As a parent and a freelance business owner, multitasking is a frequent necessity.

Have Dedicated Baby Time — I have times throughout the day that are just for me and her, no work. I put my phone down, crank up the Raffi (don’t come at me with your Baby Shark) or the Tchaikovsky (she’s a bit obsessed with ballet and insists on parading around in a tutu most days), and build block stacks or play with her favorite puzzle. Or we dance to Dolly, or sit in the rocking chair and read. Sandra Boynton is a big hit in my house. She needs to know that there are swaths of time throughout the day when it’s just her and me.

Set Boundaries — With my clients, with myself, with my child. I don’t take calls right before nap time, because that’s her time. At one point, I established a “no devices at the table” rule, though I admit my husband and I have both been failing pretty miserably at. We really must recommit to that goal. For my daughter, I have both a physical boundary — a North States play yard — though she’s admittedly become less tolerant of that as she’s gotten older, and intangible boundaries. She hears a lot of “wait.” Sure, there have been plenty of screaming meltdowns while I try to finish an email — but I firmly believe that learning to have some patience, understanding that sometimes I have something else to finish before responding to her (non-emergency) needs, and being able to contend with boredom are important skills for her to develop. I found the book “Bringing Up Bébé” to be encouraging and practical on this matter.

Share the Load — How much have we read about mothers’ emotional labor, and how much moms’ careers have been disrupted by the pandemic? I am definitely feeling that. Since my husband is now working from home as well, one small thing he does to support me in my work is that he occasionally (i.e. whenever I ask) will lunch alone with our daughter on Thursdays so I can take part in my favorite Twitter chat, #FreelanceChat. Some weeks, however, I catch up later that afternoon, or the next day.

Get Creative — It’s hard, I won’t lie. I’ve had some success with a timer — letting her hear the dinging sound, and telling her she has to play on her own until she hears the sound again — and with what one might call passive interaction, e.g. conducting work while telling her to bring me three blue items. Some days, I manage to convince her that putting away laundry is a game.

Lower Your Standards — Hopefully, if we’ve learned anything from this COVID shitstorm, which is the technical term for the circumstances we’re living in, it’s that we’re all just getting by. You need to be able to give yourself a break from your own judgment. For me, as a parent, that’s meant loosening the reins a bit on screen time, e.g. with nature documentaries or the oft-demanded ballet videos. Also, and I cannot stress this enough, your kid does not have to like you all the time. Mine isn’t a huge fan of me when I tell her she can’t play with a new puzzle until she puts her crayons away. As a freelancer, it means sending out fewer queries or follow-ups each day so I don’t burn out. It’s hard to feel like I’m not “giving it my all,” but we have no idea how long we’re in this for, so pace yourself.

All right, if you’ve reached this point, God love you. Hang in there, and tweet at me if you want to vent about freelance parent life, @redpentweeting. I gotta go feed my kid again.